MARINE CORPS BASE HAWAII, Kaneohe Bay -- "I was spanked when I was a child, and I turned out OK."
"If you don't spank your children, they will not listen to you."
"I'm not going to raise a bad kid. If he or she needs it, I will show them who is in charge."
The "reasons," or answers, go on and on regarding the age-old question, "Is it OK to spank your children?" Child care experts, however, have responded to each.
"I was spanked when I was a child, and I turned out OK."
What were acceptable practices in the 1960s are not acceptable today. We have learned a great deal in the area of child development in the last 20 years, including that children who are hit, hit others.
Further, when children are spanked frequently, they have a higher tendency to act out violent behavior with their peers.
"If you don't spank your kids, they will not listen to you."
Spanking does not make children listen. Spanking frightens and confuses children.
Do you want your children to respect and love you, or do you want them to fear you?
For example, your 10-year-old son Joey has been told not to park his bike in the middle of the driveway. Day after day, you still find the bicycle in the middle of the driveway.
Scenario 1: Mr./Mrs. Spanker screams and yells at Joey. "How many times [spank] did I tell you [spank] about parking your bike in the middle of the driveway [spank]?"
Scenario 2: Mr./Mrs. Non-Spanker tell Joey that if he leaves his bike in the wrong place one more time, he will lose his privilege to ride his bike. Joey rushes home, runs into the house to watch cartoons on TV, and then leaves his bike in the middle of the driveway.
Mr./Mrs. Non-Spanker takes away Joey's bike and locks it up. He/she then calmly explains to Joey that he will not be able to ride his bike for two days.
After two days, Joey and his parents sit down and review the responsibilities of owning a bicycle.
In Scenario 2, there is no yelling, no screaming and no hitting! Joey's punishment fits the crime: the loss of bike privileges.
Which approach creates a long-lasting impression on Joey? Which approach will Joey remember the next time he parks his bike? Which approach teaches Joey respect and discipline? Scenario 2 does.
Being a good parent is not an easy job, and it is only natural to sometimes get frustrated with children. However, hitting and hurting your child is never the answer.
If your children refuse to listen to you, help is available. The New Parent Support Program can help, and you don't even have to go to the NPSP office, as staff members will come to you.
The New Parent Support Program is a group of registered nurses, pediatric nurse practitioners and social workers trained in child development. To register for a free parenting class, call (808) 257-8803.